well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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