Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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