guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
