Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
