How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
