wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
