I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
