foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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