and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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