is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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