one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
