I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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