At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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