I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
