I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
