Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
