I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
