whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
