I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
