Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
