she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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