no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
