period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You have to summon your inner elephant
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
