i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
