It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
