I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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