just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
