oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
this just has baby written all over it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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