do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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