Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
