Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
