I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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