I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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