I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
