from now on my penis is your penis
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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