this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
operation harelip BJ is a go
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
