Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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