i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
