I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
