my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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