awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
