Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
