these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I AM VODKA MAN
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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