Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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