He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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