I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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