Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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