it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
