omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
bring money and cleavage
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
