Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
