I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
