I want to walk on stilts...naked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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