i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
try to milk me bitch
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