barbara walters just said penis...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
