Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
