bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
